Christmas Wish list…..from mom

 

A looking glass to capture my beauty

A hubba-hubba hiney to enhance my booty,

A knit pair of socks that comes in three’s

A Mexican maid ta’ keep me off my knees

A knowing smile from my loving brood,

Some pheromone gel to enhance my mood

Six calling suitors, without solicitous needs

Two family members relinquishing me of all their deeds

A fragile snow globe holding my 2 enemies captive

42 years child support, current and retroactive

When I close my eyes on Christmas Eve

Please Santa-TICKETS

The French Antilles-a winter’s reprieve?

 

Wordless Confession

               Wordless Confession

Rotund, blossoms like chestnut halves

Burst forth from her khaki short-shorts, even the squirrels

Would be alarmed, and at her age?

Tight buns peek like perfectly browned morning muffins awaiting butter….

True they are worthy of attention-agreed. 

But let us not steal the light of the newborn, the first meeting of Jesus,

 As he filters moral goodness

Down upon the mid morning darkness of the church.

Light filters through the chapel as tenderly as the waters of blessed salvation

 sprinkle down upon newborn skin

Like an answer to a lingering question.

Hope and eternal redemption are hand in hand with baptism

Bronzed cheeks are hand in hand with string bikinis on a poolside cabana.

How does one compete with a wordless confession

as blatant as this?  

Perhaps she does not know how to pray?

At My age……..

                            At my age…….

At my age you’re damn straight I wear sexy panties,

We must strut around feeling sexy as we don’t

turn heads on the street anymore.

At my age we hold our heads high with confidence

And feel good in our skin, despite its’ new sags

Head HIGH….. or Beware the double chin

At my age we want that fancy device that makes us feel youthful…..Yeah THAT one….

when we purchase the nose hair trimmer for “grandpa” for Christmas

Why MUST we ask the clerk to free it from under lock and key?

At my age, surely we look to old to steal? We don’t wander Victoria Secret at the mall for Bridle gifts

But instead to fantasize about that black little number and how

Housework in thigh highs would indeed be more fun?

At my age we secretly want hand trucks for Christmas rather than cute leather boots

Because practicality wins and silly plastic clogs are great for gardening?

At my age we’ve been reminded one too many times

That beauty withers unless we carry it in our every action

And yes action at My age IS a flirtatious smile…..before I drift off to a good night’s sleep