Had you stayed in my life…..I may have not been me. I may not have loved that boyfriend-that skater boy-the way I did. My psyche may have preferred quiet of introspection. I might enjoy aligning my books in the shelf by color and size? I may not enjoy recklessly slamming doors and speeding in my car, when I should go slow? I may not have doted on my lover the one I loved-like no one should love someone; with every coursing corpuscle and every molecule of oxygen in my hemoglobin…….diminished to a heap of blonde hair and blue jeans, lifeless on his porch when it was over- just tears keeping me warm.
Had you stayed, I may have never have reacted as I did-when a man professed I was somebody; worthy and love-able. I may have very well understood love differently? Perhaps it would never have owned me; and when that handsome young man slid a diamond on my finger, perhaps I would have been filled with excitement instead of fear-so scared that I had to run. I might have even mailed a letter, cause that’s what we did back then. I may have explained why I ran or I may never have run? When I did sit quietly with myself, which was never…. I did wonder what was missing, and I never knew it was you. But I baked a lot of pies from scratch and a lot of quiche Lorraine. I fed everybody……and I would have fed you-if I knew you liked pie?