Had you stayed in my life…..I may have not been me.  I may not have loved that boyfriend-that skater boy-the way I did.   My psyche may have preferred quiet of introspection.   I might  enjoy aligning my books in the shelf by color and size?   I may not enjoy recklessly slamming doors and speeding in my car, when I should go slow?      I may not have doted on my lover the one I loved-like no one  should love someone; with every coursing corpuscle and every molecule of oxygen in my hemoglobin…….diminished to a heap of blonde hair and blue jeans, lifeless on his porch when it was over- just  tears keeping me warm.

Had you stayed,   I may have never have reacted as I did-when a man  professed I was somebody; worthy and love-able.     I may have very well understood love differently?    Perhaps it would never have owned me; and when that handsome young man slid a diamond on my finger, perhaps I would have been filled with excitement instead of fear-so scared that  I had to run.  I might have even mailed a letter, cause that’s what we did back then.  I may have explained why I ran or I may never have run?    When I did sit quietly with myself, which was never…. I did  wonder what was missing, and I never knew it was you.  But I  baked a lot of pies from scratch and a lot of quiche Lorraine.   I fed everybody……and I would have fed you-if I knew you liked pie?